[SR-Users] Exclusive: Quitting the fast life of open-source SIP

[Daniel-Constantin Mierla]

Indeed, it was even on TV around here, but they said it happened on the
shiny new operational airport, the Berlin-Brandenburg International ...

Daniel


On 01.04.17 07:02, Alex Balashov wrote:
> (Filed by UC Celeb Talk - 1 Apr 2017.)
>
> BERLIN (Tegel), GERMANY--In the now-infamous breakdown episode on the
> VIP tarmac at Berlin's Tegel Airport, Alex Balashov shocked the IP
> telecoms celebrity world last month. 
>
> Shielding his eyes from the punishingly bright daylight of an overcast
> day in northern Germany, Balashov climbed out of his Gulfstream G650
> jet, clutching a half-finished bottle of Woodford Reserve, and announced
> his sudden retirement from the "fast life" of open-source SIP consulting
> to a waiting gathering of techn business reporters. 
>
> "I'm not with this 'live fast, die young' VoIP s*** anymore," he
> reportedly shouted, before collapsing and vomiting profusely on the red
> carpet.
>
> UC Celeb Talk's own Benjamin Brant sat down with Balashov in an
> exclusive interview to learn more about what happened, even as the
> telecoms industry continues to digest the shock meltdown. 
>
> --
>
> BRANT: Everyone's dying to know, what was going through you head at that
> moment?
>
> BALASHOV: Funny how you mention dying. I want to live to see 35, man. I
> can't handle the SIP biz anymore. 
>
> BRANT: What do you mean? You seemed to have all the makings of an
> open-source SIP superstar.
>
> BALASHOV: I can't keep up with the drinks anymore, the three day-long
> parties, the paparazzi, always watchin' my back at ClueCon...
>
> BRANT: When'd you realise it might be time to call it?
>
> BALASHOV: I'll tell you when. It was Kamailio World '16. Man, those
> vodka + Club Mate drinks they pour down at Fokus are something else.
> They'll really get you thinking about things. 
>
> BRANT: So you had a cocktail and thought better of your entire life as a
> SIP celebrity? The fans, the adulation, the glory? 
>
> BALASHOV: When you wake up at 3 PM at the Park Inn on Alexanderplatz
> with a $31,000 room service bill on your AMEX, a goat wandering around,
> and reporters in your face, you tell me with a straight face you're not
> gonna take stock of your life and make some changes.
>
> BRANT: That really happened?
>
> BALASHOV: That's what I'm trying to tell you! That's Kamailio World,
> dude. That's the SIP software engineering culture. You wanna ITSP and
> WebRTC? You're gonna have to bro down!
>
> BRANT: Surely not everywhere. What about the IETF?
>
> BALASHOV: Those guys drink more than ANYONE. Have you seen the SIP
> Outbound RFC?
>
> BRANT: That's the work-product of an alcohol-fuelled creative orgy?
>
> BALASHOV: It's the work product of something-something. I don't know if
> I'm allowed to identify the uh, substance in question.
>
> BRANT: How are you going to live without the private jet? If I had a G6,
> I wouldn't just turn over the keys.
>
> BALASHOV: Yeah, I mean, open-source VoIP consulting has its upsides.
> It's a fine way to make a living. But it's just not worth it. Besides,
> hourly operating costs are through the roof. 
>
> BRANT: But you were an icon, and quite a ladies' man too! How do you
> walk away from that?
>
> BALASHOV: Look man, of course women are gonna mob you when you're a SIP
> consulting star. That's just part of the open-source tech life in
> general.
>
> But it's fake, man. They don't love you. They don't want to know who you
> are inside. They just want you 'cause you know all about the SIP
> transaction state machine, loose vs. strict routing, cross-compiling
> Kamailio. They just got a crush on you 'cause you know presence and
> parallel forking race conditions.  I want something real.
>
> BRANT: But that's part of the social bargain of being an open-source SIP
> celebrity. Didn't you once boast of having uh, lady friends, "in
> different geographic and non-geographic operator codes"?
>
> BALASHOV: Yeah, and that's cool, but I want to come home to a woman who
> loves me for me, not Mr.  3...
>
> ... 02, Moved Temporarily, but not happy necessarily. Feel me?
>
> BRANT: What happened at ClueCon?
>
> BALASHOV: You talking about the bullets Acme Packet ventilated me with?
>
> BRANT: Five of them, as I heard.
>
> BALASHOV: Well I'm still standin'. Took those shots and smiled.
>
> BRANT: I know you guys have a kind of omertà about this stuff, but I've
> got to ask: why?
>
> BALASHOV: I ain't worried, kids growing up in today's world need to
> learn the truth. 
>
> They act like I was dealing transcoding licences on their block. O.G. 729.
>
> BRANT: But that wasn't what gave you a wake-up call that the SIP game is
> sharper than a razor blade?
>
> BALASHOV: Hell no, it wasn't their block. That fake-ass east coast
> channel partner crew can cash me outside howboudah?
>
> BRANT: How exclusive is Kamailio World?
>
> BALASHOV: It's one of the most exclusive clubs I've ever hit up. Lines
> wrapping around blocks. And the bouncers. Damn.
>
> BRANT: The bouncers?
>
> BALASHOV: Those dudes are harsh.
>
> BRANT: On a scale of 1 to Berghain, how bad is it?
>
> BALASHOV: All I know is, one time some squirrely guy in the audience
> asked a moderately new-blood question like, "If a Record-Route header
> has been added by an intermediate proxy, is it proper of a SIP User
> Agent to populate the Request URI of subsequent in-dialog requests with
> the Record-Route URI, or should it be the remote Contact?" 
>
> Half the room got up like it was ready to curb-stomp that little face.
> Guy didn't know what he got himself into--a room full of elites.
>
> BRANT: So what happened?
>
> BALASHOV: Someone was like, "Bounce this fool! He don't know how to
> act." 
>
> So these three muscular Kaiser Wilhelm-looking dudes--moustaches and
> all--in sunglasses roll up and drag this guy through the Atrium, out the
> doors and dump him straight out onto Anna-Louisa-Karsch-Straße. 
>
> BRANT: Damn. Ejected out of the saloon.
>
> BALASHOV: Yo, that dude was dismissed from the premises.
>
> BRANT: So what do you see in your future post-SIP life?
>
> BALASHOV: I'm thinking about starting a bakery. A friend threw it out
> there as a way to kind of atone for all this and get straight with
> Jesus. Gonna bake really big cookies. You know, huge ones, like a small
> pizzas? But recognise--they're actually cookies.
>
> BRANT: Got any advice for those who bright young upstarts who haven't
> turned over a new leaf and thrown in the towel yet?
>
> BALASHOV: Come on down to Kamailio World #5, May 8-10 2017 in Berlin.
> You'll see your life in a new way.
>
> Registration and more information online at
> https://www.kamailioworld.com/k05/
>
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-- 
Daniel-Constantin Mierla
www.twitter.com/miconda -- www.linkedin.com/in/miconda
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