For immediate release:
HAZARD, Kentucky (1 April 2024)--Evariste Systems LLC, Georgia-based veteran
brokers of international charity partnerships, are pleased to announce the
conclusion of lengthy trilateral negotiations among Taylor Swift, the Public
Investment Fund (the sovereign wealth fund of the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia), and
the Kamailio open-source community to bring Kamailio to underserved areas of
the US Appalachia region.
In a concert in Lexington, Kentucky last Sunday evening, and in her signature
style of mystical "reveals" through equivocal song lyrics, Swift auspiciously
inaugurated to her Swifties, as die-hard fans of the pop star are known, the
beginning of Kamailio Visions 2030.
(Editorial note: Swift's agent has threatened copyright litigation in the event
that our press agency were to reproduce her meaning-rich lyrics directly,
driven by the contention that fair use considerations do not apply to lyrics so
"deep" as Swift's. At press time, the matter is being reviewed by our
counsel.)
Alex Balashov, principal of Evariste, praised Kamailio Visions 2030 as a
continuation of Swift's long-standing commitment to forward thinking and
innovation:
"Taylor has been the driving force behind the use of sustainable, plant-based
materials in her 'merch. Today, aided by the internationalisation of Saudi
capital, she is helping to bring that same kind of ethical prosperity to
Eastern Kentucky, West Virginia and the wider Appalachian coal country."
Continued Balashov:
"Between Alan Maimon and J.D. Vance, and the revelations of the Purdue Pharma
litigation, it's fair to say that the plight of Appalachia, with its high
structural unemployment, declining economic base, and the ravages of the opioid
epidemic and deaths of despair, has been exposed to a broader audience than
ever before. And with that knowledge comes responsibility, because we live with
that knowledge now, and we can no longer turn a blind eye. The SIP and VoIP
industries have always been a force of conscientious capitalism, and Kamailio a
beacon of rectitude in a jaded, amoral, cynical world. A world in which
Appalachian children are denied the SIP proxy is not a just world, and we
cannot any longer live in such a world."
Fred Posner, a deputy Evariste negotiator who was said to have thrived in the
pressure of high-stakes negotiations with PIF governor Yasir Al-Rumayyan over
the exact implementational modalities of the deal, reviewed the high notes of
the landmark economic development accord:
"It was a good start to defund the police. But with the unique social
challenges of Appalachia, what every struggling family in the ruins of coal
country really needs is access to clean, ethically sourced, fair-trade SIP
proxies. That is why I am uplifted to say that we will be dropping, through a
coordinated, large-scale airlift operation, a Raspberry Pi with Kamailio
pre-installed, to every household with an income at or below 250% of the Federal
Poverty Level (FPL) in the Appalachian region. The Pi chassis will be dye-free,
BPA-free, and will be held together with a plant-based, biodegradable, non-toxic
glue that does not produce intoxicating effects when sniffed. By 2030, every
child alive in Appalachia today will have had several years to benefit from the
power of a miniaturised SIP proxy appliance, and that is why we are calling it
Kamailio Visions 2030."
When pressed by us, Balashov noted that the prosocial objectives and economic
development potential of Kamailio Visions 2030 has drawn scepticism from some
quarters.
"These are those people who think that Rasperry Pi devices preloaded with
Kamailio are not what Appalachia most needs today. Those people would be wrong.
As any metaphysicist can tell you, causes do not necessarily resemble their
effects."
"Taylor and her people know that Kamailio Visions 2030 draws on a long
history of highly effective technological and app-based interventions in
economically underprivileged areas, such as Nicholas Negroponte's One Laptop
per Child (OLPC) scheme, and the famous carpet-bombing of Eritrea with
second-generation iPads by Selena Gomez. All of this had tremendous results."
"Salutary results", added a representative of the PIF.
Balashov pointed us to the foundational problem statement of Kamailio Visions
2030, which cited the concept of "Technik", as developed in "Hybrid Reality", a
technocratic manifesto (in e-book form) by much-loved TED visionaries Parag and
Ayesha Khanna. There, the authors declared:
"Good Technik requires a combination of the attributes that deliver
high human development, economic growth, political inclusiveness,
and technology preparedness.”
"In short", said Balashov, "Taylor, with some help from the efficient deployment
of Saudi capital, will bring good technik to Appalachia. The tide of technik
lifts all ships."
--
Alex Balashov
Principal Consultant
Evariste Systems LLC
Web: https://evaristesys.com
Tel: +1-706-510-6800
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